Throw The Whole EX Away Bitch
Staying friends with your ex is like trying to keep your dead dogš¤”
This ex in particular you'll hear about so we will refer to him as JM. Ill also back track to when and why we broke up in another post.
Anyway, I tried it and it just didn't work in the end. In the beginning when we tried it was okay we had great laughs and continued to stay up all night talking on the phone but a part of me continued to long for more. I still loved him, and I knew he loved me. There still was no boundaries set between us as far as what is okay to talk about and what wasn't. We still talked about our intimate moments, I told him every part of my day just as I did before. One night I left my window open and my dad heard us our conversation lmaooo AWKWARD AF.
Then one day everything just stopped. The texts stopped, the phone calls came to an end. I thought maybe he was busy but i realized he was really gone. No warning just gone out of my life, just stopped talking to me. I have no idea why. But it broke me. I searched for answers reread texts to see where i possibly went wrong. What did i do for him to leave me like this?
Why was I so hurt? We were just friends?...right?
I cried myself to sleep for days. Friends would ask about him and I would lie saying we were good "I talked to him last night" when in reality I haven't heard from him in days. I would call and texts numerous times. My number wasn't blocked. So he was making the choice to ignore, and that hurt even worse.
I beat myself up constantly, how could i be so stupid? Why didnt i walk away when we first ended it? Why did i love him so much? How could he lie to me? He said he would always be there for me.
Then one day it hit me out of the blue. BITCHHHH add up all the other fuckin red flags you ignored!! The signs were always there!!! The amount of lies and double standards in our relationship that I made excuses for. It all came flooding back into my mind. The hurt started turning to anger. How could I be so fucking stupid?How could I not see this coming?
How did I move on you ask? Well there was no solid plan whatsoever but I downloaded tinder and hinge lmao. I started talking to other guys. I was still in this weird space in my mind where I felt like I needed the attention of another man to validate myself. In a weird way it helped. I found other connections. They were more honest than JM. They werent him though, but they were something different. I was having fun and finally smiling again. These connections didnt lead to relationships but rather friendships. It was just refreshing. One of them did get a little confusing in the feelings department but that was cleared up quick.
I think just finally coming to terms with the situation and accepting it for what it is, helps you move on. We have to stop making excuses ; acknowledge and accept the fact that you seperated for a reason. Just because we see other people have great relationships with their exes after they break up doesnt mean itll work for us too. God removes people from our lives for many reasons, and sometimes we brought situations like these to teach us a lesson. I cant tell you what that lesson is or why it has to hurt so much. But thats for you to take a look inside yourself and explore your choices that were made. What about that person was not meant for you? What red flags did you ignore? Why did you choose to be with them? Was the connection actually genuine? Or did you force it?
There is no instruction manual on how to move on from an ex. I didn't choose the most perfect way to move on but in the end it work...well kind of. It wasnt the perfect plan but on the surface it worked. Do I still think of the good times? yes, but its nothing more than a memory now. There is no emotional cloud that hangs over my head anymore. We had a good run and we reached our finish line. Our race is over.